jesus glut (1987)

i seen jesus yesterday in an
unemployment line in rural oklahoma. says i,
"hey o golden one, how swings yer staff
of life?" he replied "not so well.
the job applications all ask
for my parent's address. they tell me i'm
overqualified. things do not go well
in this time of oil-glut oklahoma."

*

god almighty gets out of bed
at 3 a.m. to use the toilet,
he groans and sighs
as beer belly merges with his bladder,
without his glasses on
he trips over beirut and rips his toe off

as he faints from self-pity
his head squashes nicaraguan nuns
just before contras can get them

as he regains consciousness,
some eternity later, takes an aspirin,
& changes his pee-sodden
bikini atoll briefs only to snooze
until the power lunch
set with satan at the lodge

*

jesus hit .999 his first season
as a royals rookie, he played the outfield and first
thru third bases
all was going great until he was indicted
in the largest cocaine scandal in
major league history. he
sat in the dugout and cried that he was 
a victim so they made him wear
a dunce hat in the corner& write
"i'm high enuff already" six billion
times in front of the pearly gates

*

god caught jesus smoking a pipe
&ditching school so he made him
whitewash the cliffs of dover

jesus got bored so he conned
millions of falwellians into spreading
his holy rouge
"if only ya give me one a yer women
  and a case of yer likker"

*

*jesus went out drinking one night
with his frat buddies he said
"betcha i can piss on that cigarette stub across
the street" and they took him
up on it

he flopped out his vienna sausage and prayed
to dad for a loaner miracle and his
dick became ten cubits long

he cleaned off the sidewalk
and flooded the world, his buddies got on
the ark with him and he passed out the poop scoops
to each and every disciple

*

god took his only son fishing
in a dinky dingy on a lake in lousiana

they put that boat in the water
&fish leapt into the hull
till it was full
then the dynamic duo loaded 'em
into the limo and were driven home
to have servants prepare them

over dinner they cursed 
good-naturedly about
"the one that was atheist"\
&fed the bones
to their cats


*

jesus checked the "direct relative of god"
box on his w-2 form which entitled 
him to the ideological dibs on the souls of the 
next 10 million fetuses born.

the irs called him in for an audit and when they
asked for proper id he pulled out
a stone tablet chiseled in
hebrew with the year zero inscribed

so off to leavenworth to work off a multiple
year sentence for the impersonation of a deity

jesus was ok with the judgement.
"shit, a couple of years ago
they  would have nailed my ass to a cross..."

didn't take long for the old man to
cut him loose though. he put

a lightning bolt in an angel food cake.

*

jesus was a latchkey kid,
nevertheless he was well loved. at bedtime
god would rock jesus to sleep
& tell him nitenite stories.

jesus was never tired. he'd
wait for god to go 
back to watching monday nite 
football or creating new third world miseries,
then he'd get out his gi joe doll

and take off his camo gear and
tie him down with dental
floss and let his play dinosaurs eat his

naked arms


1987 K.U.
LAWRENCE, Ks