woke up in a stupor and my knees weren't even bent
I broke up in a giggle, my jello so content
I'd wore down all my morals till our soul was soundly spent
But I couldn't no I wouldn't say please
I hushed up and said grace, gravy on my face
I bashed the party growers, a hardon for a mace
I did my part and meant it when I laid the jail to waste
But fer the photo I did not say cheese
I yessired all the officers and pleaded my case
I drew upon old charm pool, Gibraltar, and my base
I told you when we handcuffed I was hardly chaste
But for the show you were good to go
I splintered up my hangnails, made a picture frame
Glued back my eyelashes, sheltered all the blame
I spoke a long lost fabric and feigned a rabid shame
But I vote not to let my leaves all blow
I felt a lowly vermin and justified the trap
Chewed off my best credit, tourniqueted my SAP
I jettisoned the headache and did a victory lap
But I couldn't purge the file
I dwelled in abject entropy, sponsor keeping dibs
Counted out my morsels as they took my tidbits in
I brung my story to the cave and hollered Drinker's Lib
Then took notice of a big hairy trial
I downplayed all the romance, good times gone as god
I ronnyraygunned memories, said listen to da flood
I swore they were my floatie, my duckie, and my blood
But I didn't mean to mean what they need
They shot me to a forum, put me on a chair
They voted all the dunces inferior at our fair
They falsified my vapidness, called me on the dare
And i spread out all my plumage like a bird
They voted me a heathen a king and a fake
I abstained all over the tally, a consumate rake
All all agreed on one thing and that's thou auto forsake,
But the object of our scorn was divided
I plead the cuss O justice, O freedom and the dunce
Cuss if yer not all of them, Just one you will be once
The game so tidy neat, my football needs no punts
But ya love the drama runback that's provided
2003
the Dalles, Portland
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